Dream: Go For It!

Dreaming 

A new year with new opportunities for fresh plans and goals. Unfortunately, this is also prime time for unrealistic expectations that can lead us down the road to frustration, disappointment, and yet another hit to the self-esteem. As the infomercials and gym fliers attack, pause and figure out what you really need and want for 2016.

Dream a little bit. What would you really like to see happen in 2016? I don’t mean win the lottery! I mean, what goals are you willing to fight for, sacrifice for, and come out of your comfort zone for…because that is the goal you want to put in the cross-hairs.

Patience 

Whatever goal is your focus, be patient. Much easier said than done! Habits are hard to change, but not impossible! The formula is consistency and time; we must be dedicated to transformation.

I recently heard a tip that I thought was phenomenal. We need to stop listening to ourselves and start talking to ourselves.  We need to be patient and understand that it takes time to change those negative tapes that run in the background of our minds, but we can challenge them and preach truth to ourselves and with perseverance, we can change.

The Pit of Comfort

I am a queen of justification! Who’s with me? I can always come up with “legitimate” reasons why I “need” something that I want. And, we seem to be quick to help each other justify actions counter to our goals too! Why is it so tempting to lure ourselves and others off the path of discipline that leads to success? My guess is that fear often drives that bus. Fear of failure, fear of expectations, fear of giving up vices, fear of disapproval of others, fear of discomfort…fear is huge. All of these fears add to the trouble we experience leaving our pit of comfort…whatever that pit looks like for us. You may be surprised what pit you are choosing to hang out in. Maybe you have set up house in a body that is too large because you believe it is shielding you from pain or fear. Maybe you cuddle with negative attitudes and depression buying into the lie that you don’t deserve anything else due to leftovers from past hurts or failed relationships. Maybe your soft landing is a pile of excuses you have claimed as truth as to why you can’t change fueled by smoldering crash landings from former attempts. Our justifications keep us in our comfort zone that is really more like a strait jacket. We believe we are protecting ourselves, but in reality we are hiding and hindering growth and maturity and abundant living.

A big pit of comfort for me has always been Diet Coke. As a teenager it was an allowable pleasure in my strict and conservative home, it didn’t have any calories so if fit in with my crazed eating habits, and it became a friend for when I felt down or wanted a treat. It never asked anything of me and it was consistent and unchanging. That habit grew over the years into a powerful force in my life, becoming an immovable part of schedules and budgets. This has been my reality but I am staring it down in 2016!

What is your “Diet Coke”? What is that thing that you are absolutely unwilling to give up even though you know it is not in your best interest? That my friend is where you need to aim your weapons to begin true transformation. There is a reason you cling to it, an attachment that is larger than just the object of your desire, your idol. Figure that out and you are on your way to meeting goals and creating the lifestyle you really want.

My challenge to you as this new year begins, is to find goals that challenge comfort. For me this means no more Diet Coke, yep, I’m done. As I talked this over with my husband to ensure he was willing to support my whiny and probably irritable transition, he asked me a valuable question: “have you thought about what you will replace it with?” Any plan for change must include survival strategies that are realistic. I can drink coffee and tea to ease the transition off of caffeine, but the reality is that I don’t want to replace the idol that Diet Coke became. I have accepted that this will be uncomfortable and I am determined to learn though the discomfort and embrace it instead of run from it. I pray and meditate when the cravings are strong. I speak truth to myself about the cravings, what do I really want…peace, relief, rest…Diet Coke doesn’t meet any of those needs! It is about being honest with our realities and being willing to be uncomfortable in order to achieve the lifestyle of health and freedom that we really desire. One of my favorite quotes from Jillian Michaels is “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. Dream big friends and achieve lasting success by stepping outside of your comfort zone!

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10, NLT).

 

Till Death Do Us Part

 This life is wonderful and difficult.  Along the journey we will most likely experience mountain-top highs and deep valley lows.  We will enjoy times of joy and contentment and times of grief and pain.  We will bound through exciting times and yawn our way through tedious times.   Knowing this truth about life…deciding who to travel with is of utmost importance don’t you think?

Cultivating healthy relationships is a huge portion of a healthy lifestyle.  We are always growing and changing and so our relationships are constantly changing too.  This is important to understand.  As our circumstances change and life happens, we must respond and react in healthy ways to maintain a healthy relationship or it will crumble and be lost.  Just as a plant needs consistent watering, any relationship needs constant attention and maintenance.  Maybe you have suffered a lost marriage/relationship.  This information can apply to any relationships you are currently in with friends and family too.  Remember each circumstance is unique and each person is unique.  Sometimes the other people in a relationship are not interested in being healthy.  Sometimes we aren’t interested in being healthy!   No judging, no getting stuck in the past, let’s just journey together and keep learning!  Striving for healthy relationships and communication is a good thing whether it is in a marriage or not.

One of my most-treasured places to be is at my husband’s side, whatever we may be doing.  We will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary on July 29th.  In many ways it seems like it can’t possibly be that long that we’ve been married, but in so many ways it also seems like we’ve just always been together.  One of my biggest pet-peeves is when people look at us and say, “oh you’re so lucky”.  Let me clue ya’, luck has nothing to do with it!  Tom and I have not always had a healthy relationship.  When we got married I was 19 and he was 20.  I was idealistic and co-dependent, Tom lacked direction and perspective, but we of course thought we were so grown up.   I remember sitting in front of our pre-marriage counselor and having him say to us, “with the possible exception of infidelity, you two will likely face everything that people get divorced over.”  I proudly thought, “well, he doesn’t know us very well!”  Turns out, he was very wise!  Over the years there have been financial arguments, depression, dysfunctional communication patterns, hurtful actions, conflicts over parenting, and I could go on and on.  We have basically grown up together .  It could have gone horribly wrong at several points.  So, why are we together  now and happier and healthier than ever?  Here are a few of the key components to a healthy relationship that we have learned over the years.

Be Kind and Polite

Common courtesy tends to fly out the window once we step through our front doors.  Tom and I have determined over the years that we shouldn’t be nicer to strangers than we are to each other!  Please and thank you go a long way after a long day.  Kindness is also contagious.  As you begin to show kindness to each other, others will watch and be influenced by your behavior…like you kids, your neighbors, your friends, and then those relationships in your life will become healthier too.  Plus it just feels better to be kind.  It isn’t always easy and it requires you to step outside your own emotions and view a situation from another perspective, but the benefits are enormous.

Next phone call with your spouse, try this out.  Be kind, gentle, and supportive.  Use a tone that is friendly.  Stop the biting tongue that just blurts out thoughts without filtering them first.  And do this because you love them, not so that they will think you are great or give you something in return.  Tell them you love them/miss them/are eager to see them/enjoy talking with them, it is uplifting to them and to you to hear these words.

Trust God  Hands down this is the most valuable point.  Without Christ, Tom and I would not be together, I guarantee it.  As people, we are just really good at hurting each other.  Tom and I have not had a free pass on this, we are completely and totally human and that means sinful.  Over the years, there have been many times when crying out to the Lord and accepting His guidance was all we knew to do.  But God was and is faithful.  God has directed us and taught us how to forgive and extend grace to each other and our families.  God has worked in our hearts to bind us together spiritually, emotionally, and mentally so that we can enjoy marriage as He designed it.  I give Him all the praise and I’m so thankful!  My marriage is one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I would have missed it if I had just given up and gone my own way.

We were blessed to grow up in homes where our families were intact and based in faith in Christ.  Not flawless, but we are blessed with a legacy of commitment and faith for sure!  I do not take this for granted and I know it is not everyone’s story.  God’s love is big enough to heal you and guide you to a relationship with Him that will radically change your heart no matter what your story is though, so take heart!  God knows how difficult it is to love people.  He understands each heart because He created it.  God is into relationships!  Seek Him first and trust His plan because it is perfect.

Communicate Honestly and Listen   Learning to communicate with each other effectively is so important! This is not something you can gloss over and have a healthy relationship.  Most couples bring different communication styles and backgrounds into a relationship so it is important to talk about how you want to communicate and continue to talk about it.  If you are like I was when we first got married and don’t know how you like to communicate because you have been so wrapped up in just not disappointing anyone, this process can be long and difficult.  It takes time to learn how to be married and work together.  Just as a new business partnership takes work and time to develop trust and effective teamwork, a marriage is the same way.  One of the reasons that Tom and I are so close is because we stuck it out and kept talking even when it wasn’t fun or didn’t even seem productive. We just kept talking and listening to each other, asking questions and listening, taking time and learning.

Communicating openly and honestly needs to be a priority.  If you did not grow up in a home where this was modeled in front of you, then this will be a challenge; but it is a learned behavior so you are not trapped or branded because of someone else’s lack of communication skills.  It is important to set aside a time to debrief and visit about household and daily grind kind of stuff, but also about personal accomplishments or struggles that happened that day.  You have to make time or it won’t happen.  If you are part of the typical busy household you may be laughing at me right now and thinking it just isn’t possible.  I hear you, it is a choice and an investment.  This is why I make a point to say that communication needs to be a priority.  You may need to rearrange schedules or change habits to become effective in your communication, but it is worth the effort!

Respect  “A feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way”, this is the definition of respect from Webster’s Dictionary.  It seems to me that respect is losing ground in our society.  The attitude of entitlement kind of sweeps respect onto the floor to be hidden among the dust-bunnies.  Respecting your mate means believing and treating them as valued and worthy of attention and acceptance.  This creates a space of safety and intimacy.  Have you ever been out with friends and heard one spouse throw the other spouse under the bus and observed the change in body language that occurs?  Have you ever heard one spouse make fun of the other spouse and watched the hurt expression that follows?  Usually it is palpable and it is always sad.  Respect your mate.  You chose them!  If you want a relationship that will encourage each person to be their best, there has to be respect.

Be Fiercely Protective  There is a song by Dido that is precious to me.  It is called “White Flag”.  When I hear it, it still brings tears to my eyes.  My husband sent it to me after a really rough phase in our relationship.  He told me that he was committed for the long haul if I would be too.  Here is the chorus:

“I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be”.

From this point on in our marriage, we both agreed to be fiercely protective of our relationship, of our family, and of each other. This means that if one of us needs time to talk, we re-arrange schedules to make it happen.  If one of us needs to be alone, we respect that request and help make it happen.   If one of us is uncomfortable with a situation, we change it.  If there is a disagreement, we resolve it.  We decided to live more simply and focus on our relationship and the other relationships in our lives.  The payoff has been huge.  It is a challenge because other people may not understand at times, but that is ok, they don’t have too.  We continue to talk about choices as they come up and ensure that we are sticking to the priorities we have decided are important to us.

I’m proud of my marriage.  I’m proud because we have fought to hang onto something that has turned out to be a priceless treasure and joy.  The things we have learned will continue to help us grow together and support a stronger and deeper love for as many years as we have together.  I’m also proud of the example we have put in front of our kids.  They have had a front seat to the growing pains and have learned a lot about commitment and relationships along the way.  There have been lots of interesting conversations and teaching moments and I’m thankful for God’s wisdom in those times.  I’m also happy to blog about this today and encourage you guys to fight for healthy relationships in your own lives.  This life can be so much fun and fulfilling if we focus on people and not stuff.  If we stretch our arms out to support instead of judge.  If we keep learning and growing instead of determining that we know everything.  Stay healthy my friends!

 

 

A Product Worth the Process

139. What is relevance of that number about you ask? Well, that is now the number of days left until you get to celebrate your New Year’s Resolutions being achieved! January 1, 2014 is the day to begin new resolutions that you haven’t made every year for the last 10, 20, 30 years! What are you waiting for? It’s the middle of the week: Wednesday, hump day, the beginning of the wind down to the weekend…however you think about it. Maybe it isn’t the most traditional day to begin something new, but it can be! By Monday you will be on a roll, not looking at getting started, that sounds great, right?

I’m involved in an online Bible study right now and we are reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst called “What Happens When Women Say Yes To God?” Something that I read this week that struck me is that in order to get any product it takes a process. The process may be simple or complex dependent on the product. The process required to obtain a Latte (from growing the coffee beans, to the alarm clock of the server going off as planned, to the technical details of your preferred drink…) is different from the process required to obtain a college degree, but both require a process. The process required to go for a run is different from the process required to watch TV, but both require a process. As I let the truth of this soak into my mind, I thought about our journey to live a healthy lifestyle. Why am I so frequently surprised that it is a process and not like a light switch? Shouldn’t I get that by now? Why do I get frustrated when I continue to struggle against cravings and habits when I know in my head that a process is required?

The surprise and frustration come from not fully comprehending the reality of the required process. The process may be impacted by our backgrounds, our families, or our daily lives, and when it comes to a healthy lifestyle, it is unique for each individual! For instance, it is not a complex process to plan out meals for a week that are healthy and balanced. There are many websites and magazines that suggest menus for whatever product you are trying to obtain. The planning is not so much the hard part of this process to comprehend. The difficulty comes when the truth of the process steps outside of our comfort zone or requires sacrifices we did not count on, or we discover we are opposed to accepting. The process of preparing healthy meals involves taking the time to shop for ingredients, preparing recipes we are not familiar with, adjusting our routine, all on top of sacrificing tastes and conveniences we are used to, and potentially serving new dishes to picky eaters. The obstacles to living a healthy lifestyle are abundant, so understanding the process and the benefits are crucial. The motivation to stick with the process and maintain changes long-term comes from knowing and believing that the product is worth the process.

So, what is the product? The product I desire and my motivation to live a healthy lifestyle that involves, physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health is a life that is balanced, a life where I feel good physically and eliminate as many visits to the doctor as I can, a life where I can work hard and play hard and have a ton of fun, a life where my heart is full of love and grace that will spill out onto those around me, a life that cultivates solid, lasting relationships, and a life that pleases God. The process is never-ending and requires constant maintenance, but it is worth it!

What product are you striving for? What are your goals? Identify the process the best that you can and get started, knowing that there will be ups and downs and you will learn as you go, that is just the nature of a process. Start stepping forward towards your goals, accept that you will face obstacles, and enjoy the awesome feeling of accomplishment as you break them down and see your product coming into view!  You can do it!

Just like Christmas in July

I saw a status on Facebook the other day that mentioned Christmas shopping and I was amazed again at how quickly time passes! Before we know it we’ll be bringing in 2014! (148 days to be exact) As I was running this morning I was thinking about all of this and it occurred to me that it is the perfect time for a challenge! How about if this New Year’s Eve we celebrate achieving our resolutions? Think about what you were wanting to change as you toasted with your friends and watched the ball drop into 2013, do you remember? I bet you do.

So, how are you doing at achieving your goal? The wonderful thing about re-evaluating now is that you still have time! Maybe new beginnings are fresh on my mind because I celebrated a birthday yesterday, but I think it is an excellent time to take inventory of how things are going in our lives. I want to focus on living intentionally and making sure I make decisions that result in celebrating and a sense of accomplishment when resolution time rolls around again. Don’t you? Maybe as you think about making it change it just seems overwhelming, maybe you don’t feel like you know where to begin. Well, I’m here to help you!

Here are some tips I’ve learned over the years as I’ve been creating a healthy lifestyle that can be adapted to meet goals in other areas as well.

1. Start today. Yep, at 4 pm in the afternoon, start moving towards your goal.
2. Start with small, measurable goals.
3. Share your goal with a trusted friend. Verbalizing that you are taking a new direction will help you stay the course.
Maybe they will even join you!
4. Understand why you want to achieve the change and keep it in front of you. Write it on your bathroom mirror, or in your planner, somewhere that you will see it on a regular basis and can be reminded when temptation to quit comes along.
5. Identify obstacles in your daily life that are stumbling blocks to achieving your goal. Planning ahead of time for success is critical.

These are just a few hints to get your started. If you are a person that consistently allows life to toss you to and fro instead of deciding where you want to go, the time is now to create the life you really want! You can do it!

Just like driving a car.

I think most people would say that they want to be healthy if you asked them. Not too many people would voluntarily choose illness or disease, right? What would you say? Do you want to be healthy?

When I think about a healthy lifestyle I know it is composed of lots of small changes over a long period of time. Nothing is going to “just click” and you won’t find a switch to flip. Trust me, I looked! It takes time to break habits and create new ones. It takes time to learn new ways of doing things and let go of old ways. It takes lots of time to change thinking patterns and flush out destructive behaviors.

I was thinking about when I learned how to drive. I was scared. It felt overwhelming to me, all the rules, all the other cars out there, cops, flat tires, engine trouble, fluids leaking…I was a bit freaked out. But, I never considered not learning to drive. I wanted my freedom! So, I studied my book, put in my practice hours, took my driving class, and got my license. I wasn’t a great driver right out of the gate, but have certainly gained confidence as the years have ticked by. What I wanted trumped my fear and lack of confidence and I accomplished my goal.

I think often times people fail at living a healthy lifestyle, losing weight, or maintaining an exercise routine because they don’t know what they really want. Our minds are so complex and we are influenced by so many variables, if we don’t take time to do some self-analysis, we may not ever figure out why we say we want to lose weight, but continue to eat too much and buy our favorite cookies.

Back to learning to drive – I knew the facts. I couldn’t go where I wanted to go and become independent until I had a driver’s license. I couldn’t get a license until I crossed off all the items on the required checklist. I couldn’t cross off the items until I began studying and taking steps towards completing my driving classes. So, I pushed my fear to the back of the line and dealt with the facts.

It is often hard to just deal in facts when it comes to our health. What we eat, when, why, how active we are, if we are depressed or have physical restrictions, if we are workaholics or lazy, are all influenced by our backgrounds, genetics, and events that have occurred in our lives. Sometimes these events are because of our own choices, sometimes they are because of someone else’s choices. What we eat is often dictated by what our family ate when we were growing up or by our culture, as is our mindset about food. And so many emotions are linked to food! For instance, what you feel when I say “pizza”, or “funnel cake”, or “corn dog”, or how about “pot roast and mashed potatoes” is probably different than if I say “asparagus”, or “squash”, or “kale”. All of these factors make it difficult to deal in reality when it comes to our eating and health. We think we want to feel our way through our meal instead of calculate calories or servings of vegetables; and we think we want comfort and low-effort instead of sweat and sore muscles.

I want to challenge you to look at the facts and look at what you really want. What are you choosing? If you are overweight and/or not physically fit you are at much higher risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, joint pain, and the list goes on and on. You are also more prone to depression and sleep problems. Plus, the emotional toll of not liking what you see in the mirror is huge and often minimized in our minds. It affects our relationships and even our job performance.

Creating a healthy lifestyle is not easy, but has enormous benefits! Right away as you begin to change your habits you get to experience the joy of accomplishment and begin to trust yourself to try new things. There are many obstacles, but as you conquer them you acquire new skills as well as develop an identity that you create that is not dictated by your past. Who do you want to be? What is on the requirement checklist to get there? Get started!

Follow this blog for tips on all aspects of healthy living. I certainly don’t have it all figured out and I continue to fail and struggle my way along, but I am so excited about all the changes in my life over the past 10 years and a passion has emerged. It is easier to do this with friends…so friends…come along!